My Parents
My Brother

My Parents
 --recent update to this section follows at marker [UPDATE]
I was born in Minnesota to two people who, while I can't honestly say that I think they're the greatest parents to ever live on planet Earth (I don't know how we'd ever be able to calculate such an equation), I think I can say that they have parented me the best they could have with the information and resources they had to go on. For the most part, I think I can honestly say that they have always loved me and have always had my best interests in mind (or at least what they thought was in my best interest), even when their way of showing it has not always been as "helpful" as I would have liked. 

I can also say that I have very much appreciated having them in my life as an adult. I don't just consider them as people I lived with as a child and just go back to see once in a while as a duty to my elders or any crap like that. They are actually friends to me. Up until around the time that I moved to a different state, my wife and I would go to their house almost every week to hang out with them, talking, playing cards, going out to eat, watching movies, going to the museum, to parks, going for a ride in the car...etc. We wanted to get together with them and spend time with them because we enjoyed being with them...not just because they are my parents, but also because we actually, genuinely liked hanging out with them as friends. Now that we are separated by geographical space and other things in between, I miss them. 

Now that I'm a bit older and wiser than when we were last together (oh ya, I'll bet...right?), I'd like to really get to know them. Oh, I know a lot about them, I lived with them for twenty years, but I'd actually like to get to know them now. It's not that I've never tried to get to know them, but until now I just don't think it has ever been as much of a major desire for me in my relationship with them. It's not about "don't know what ya got till it's gone" either though. I've known for a long time that I have something very special in my parents. I actually woke up to that point and began being more mature about my relationship with them many years ago. 

I think what's different now is the fact that I've gotten to a point where I've realized, acknowledged and accepted the reality of my own mortality. No matter what kind of philosophical, religious or other hopes, dreams or beliefs anyone wants to throw into the mix, the only thing I know for sure about what happens after life, is death. Without taking any of those beliefs into consideration, as far as we can really know for sure from studying life and death within our present reality, the cold, hard reality is that my body will some day stop working and my person will no longer exist. Contrary to the idea that acknowledging this reality leads to hopelessness and that hopelessness always leads to depression and fear and isolation, I now have more of a desire than ever to be as fully awake, aware and alive as I can be for as long as I can keep this body functioning properly. 

The part of that which brings my parents to mind is the "aware" part. One of the things that I want to be as aware of as I can be is my self. Getting to know my parents better will no doubt help me understand my self better too. I can learn from their stories about my life and about their own lives in general before I came along and before they ever even met. 

It's not just that though. As I said before, I actually consider them friends of mine, beyond (but not instead of) the biological family connection. So, I also want to get to know them just simply because they are friends of mine whom I want to understand better and be better able to relate with them as their friend. I care about them. So, what they think and feel and what they care about matters to me. In light of the fact of my own mortality, I know too that they will go the way of the dust at some time in the future (most likely before I do, but that's irrelevant) and I want to be in contact with them as much as I can while they are still living on the planet. 

My dad actually grew up out here in Colorado and it is a dream of mine to see him back here some day and be able to go up into the mountains and hang out with him up there, listening (and paying more attention this time around) to more of his stories of his years out here and his experience in life in general...even if it is only for a short time on vacation. 

[UPDATE]
This summer [June of 2003] we got a scare from my dad. Here's the message I sent to my supervisor at work about it....

"It's apx 10:45PM Sunday. I just got a call from my brother saying that my Dad has had a stroke or something and is in a hospital in Kansas. My folks were on their way back to Minnesota [where I'm originally from and where they still live] from my brother's place in Texas, and I guess it happened while in their hotel. I might be driving to Kansas tomorrow. If I do, I might not be back for a day or two, assuming he's alright....if he's not, it might be longer than that. I have no idea how he is other than the fact that, as of right now, he can't communicate." 

I (and Karen) did drive out there the next day. About half way there, we got a call from my brother saying that the doctors figured that dad had had a seizure of some kind and not a stroke. The inability to communicate at that point was being caused by the fact that they were keeping him "under" with medication in order to allow his body to rest so they could work on clearing out his lungs from the pneumonia that developed as a result of the period during the seizure and the ambulance trip and all that. They said at that time though that they couldn't see any permanent damage to his brain or heart or anything like that and that it would be just a matter of time for him to heal and regain his strength and would be pretty much back to normal fairly soon. They said they were probably going to wake him up in a day or two. 
    We arrived at the hotel where my brother and mom were staying at about 2:00AM Tuesday. So, we had to wait till the next day to go to the hospital to see my dad. When we did see him, I started talking to him and he he was actually able to wake up. He opened his eyes and looked at me and recognized who I was. He still couldn't talk at all due to the medical equipment going down his throat to bring air to his lungs to make sure he kept breathing. 
    The next day, they woke him up and took out the tube in his throat. Then we could finally talk with him. Due to the medication (commonly called "Milk of Amnesia" by the medical staff), he could not recall anything that had happened in the previous few days. We talked for a while and I gave him a book I had been meaning to send to him for a long time. I was very glad to see him alright again. 
    We left to come back to Colorado the next day after going to see him at the hospital one more time. He finally got out of the hospital a few days later and my dad and mom stayed with relatives in the area for a day or two before driving back to MN. Dad's basically ok now, but will have certain restrictions for quite some time. Due to having the seizure(s), he has to take meds and can't drive for a while. I'm just glad he didn't die of a stroke or heart attack or something like that and that he's not stuck in a coma or something. 

I was glad to be able to see them both again during that terrible experience. Hopefully they will be able to come out here sometime soon to spend some time with us. We'd sure like to take them around and give them a tour of all the places we like to go. Of course, it will actually be more like them giving us a tour since this is where my dad grew up as a child and lived here till he left with my mom for MN in the 60s. 
...more on them soon....


My Brother  (more to come...)
I have an older brother with whom I probably have one of the best relationships I've ever had. 

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