For the sake of immediate clarification.... that which I've written on this page is NOT an exhortation to do something.
It is an explanation of what I think about these two words, and that's it.

Also, these explanations are not supposed to be any kind of official definitions for these words for anyone else, but are simply my explanations of what I mean by these words when I use them. Whatever these words mean for you is personal and unique to you and I respect your right to have whatever ideas or opinions about them as you wish, whether I personally like your conceptions of these words or not. 

We all have our own ways of thinking about certain words because we are all individual persons with our own minds and experiences. Though we may not have been taught how or encouraged to, I've discovered first-hand in my own journey that we all have the capacity to think for our selves. We build our world views by piecing together things we've received from others along the way. We also ponder certain thoughts and coming up with our own, personal way of expressing it... or perhaps even coming up with a totally unique thought and entering it into the mix.

Appreciating this diversity is key to appreciating each other's place in the discussion (whichever discussion), because we all have something to offer. Understanding the ways our conceptions of these particular words differ is key to being able to actually move forward and do something healthy for all of us with that diversity we've come to appreciate in each other. So, here's another part of what I have to offer to the mix...


First of all, I do not see these two things as simply being different ways of saying the same thing. It may seem that way some times, but I've landed on a distinction that helps me with them and which I think others might find interesting. Basically, to me, Love is an attitude which can be held in the mind, whereas  Compassion is a lifestyle.

They are similar and the boundaries often cross to the point that it may seem as though one is the same as the other, but the way I use them is to try to keep them a bit more separated for the sake of bringing clarity to a few key aspects of life which are very important to me personally. To sum it up, Compassion is a lifestyle that flows from someone living with an attitude of Love. Here's what I mean...

Love 
Compassion 


Love: A consciously, deliberately and (especially) freely chosen attitude that has as its most fundamental component, a genuine desire to seek, attain, maintain, nurture and mature the health and well-being of self and others. Above and beyond all of this is the fact that the choice to love in this kind of way is unconditional.

When one walks with this kind of love as their attitude in life, they are intending to be aware of and caring for others, but not necessarily so entirely others-focused so as to appear as though self doesn't matter (which is not a characteristic of love, but of false-humility and self-hatred). At the same time, although they are self-aware and self-caring, they are not entirely self-focused or self-absorbed either as is the case with the mainstream, politically correct version of self-worship better known as Pride and all of the other shame-based concepts of the self we're so familiar with these days.

It is about acknowledging and truly caring for and nurturing one's self and reaching out from within that safe, secure, zone of comfort and love to offer it to and invite others in. It is not about caring for others to get caring back, but just because one desires to freely (no strings attached) share what one has (which, in many cases, may only be one's self) with others. 

The kind of love I'm talking about is not "friendship love", nor "sensual/sexual/erotic love", nor "familial love" though those are all aspects of love that touch and overlap each other at certain points. However, I am going to talk about my relationship (which includes all of the aspects of love just stated) with my partner, Karen to illustrate a few points about the specific aspect of love I'm talking about here. 

For me, love is an attitude as opposed to a feeling. For instance, if someone were to ask me whether or not I love Karen, of course I could say that I do love her, but how would anyone else really know that I do unless they actually asked her? This kind of love (although with my partner Karen there are obviously other aspects of love involved as well) is not about how I am feeling, but about what I am choosing. If our relationship were based on "feelings" of love (as are so many relationships), then I'm pretty sure we'd have separated a long time ago (as have so many relationships).

There may indeed be times when I "feel" really good in this relationship (I'd hope so, otherwise it could be very unhealthy after a while), but while I like them and welcome them when they come, my choice to love is not based on those feelings. It's a good thing too, my choice to love outlasts the bad feelings that I have in this relationship along the way as well. This would not be possible if for me, love were just a feeling I had once or if my choice to love were based on how I felt. 

My choice to love my self and others isn't magical or religious or spiritual or in any way metaphysical, fatalistic or intelli-cosmological either. It used to be kinda like that for me when I was still a believer (the love of God and all that), but I've since learned that it need not be. In order for me to choose the attitude of love that I'm talking about, there need not be any kind of reason for my choice other than the fact that it is something that I've found that I like; something that I want to incorporate into my world view and my lifestyle. Now, there may indeed be such a God as what I used to believe in, but I just don't know, so I'm not going to make any claims and I'm certainly not going to build my world view upon or live my life for the purpose of unknowable things. Since my love isn't dependant on there being or not being any kind of God or anything else outside of knowable reality, that point is irrelevant to my choosing to love. 

Early in this article, I said that for me, love is "A consciously, deliberately and (especially) freely chosen attitude" and "....the choice to love in this kind of way is unconditional."

1. consciously
It is conscious because I am fully awake and aware of what I am doing. I have complete understanding of what it is that I'm choosing to have in my attitude in life about my self and others. 

2. deliberately
It is deliberate because it is something that I am choosing on purpose. It is not happening for me by accident or just slipping into my world view by osmosis or some other method. I did not come out of the whom with the idea of walking with an attitude of love for my self and others. It is something that I have personally encountered in my life which I've become attracted to and which I have decided to incorporate into my world view and into my attitude at Every Fork in the Road.  

3. freely
It is "(especially) freely chosen" because otherwise it wouldn't be love at all. The way I understand love to be (this kind of love anyway), it can not come about as the result of coercion. Also, it is impossible for one to force or bribe another into this kind of love. If either party in such situations thinks that unconditional love has been achieved, they are obviously very unaware of what the word "unconditional" actually means. Yes?

This kind of love is not not something that someone does begrudgingly, otherwise they are not doing what I'm talking about here. The attitude that comes to my mind when I think of someone doing something begrudgingly stands completely opposed to what I mean by an attitude of love. One can't hold both in the mind as the most prominent aspect of one's attitude at the same time. They are either walking with an attitude of love or they are not. No brownie points for those who are (or minus points for those who aren't). I'm just stating the facts. 

4. unconditionally
That brings up another point about the kind of love I'm talking about. It's not about doing something to get something in return. If it were, then in my opinion it shouldn't be called love at all, but bartering. Love is about an attitude of recognizing the fullness one has (whether that fullness be material and monetary or emotional and psychological, whether it be about possessions or information, whether it be about comfort or just plain old time spent together) and desiring to offer it to others or invite others into that fullness to enjoy it with them together. It need not necessarily be about specifically giving anything that one possesses either though. It could (and most often is) simply be about the attitude of desiring healthiness and well-being for the other without ever even meeting them or touching them directly in any way. As love matures in one's world view however, it will most likely eventually spring forth in the form of compassion (the next section). 

The main point to keep in mind though is that it is never something done in order to get something back as if in payment or appreciation for the choice to love. When this happens, the mind is distorted and the person is under the delusion that they are actually loving others when they really are not. There may be appreciation shown to the one doing the loving, but love stops the moment that the appreciation is the reason for doing what they think is a choice to love. The one that chooses to walk in love must do so not only free from coercion from outside forces, but also free from selfish ambitions. Love is something that has an internal center of motivation. I love because I want to love, not because of what I'll get in return.

Don't get me wrong, love can be directed towards the self and still be love. That's not a problem. Contrary to popular belief in some segments of our society, self-love is actually the best guard against the extremes of both self-hatred and self-worship. The problem is when loving others is done for selfish reasons. It's not even that by doing this it becomes not-love (it may in fact be some form of 'friendship-love'; something extremely welcome in my world view and practiced in my lifestyle). I'm just saying that at that point, it is not the kind of love I am talking about. It may indeed still be completely appropriate and healthy, but it is just simply not this kind of love. 

I'm not advocating leaving all other aspects of love behind here though (I am married). This whole article is simply about drawing a distinction between the various aspects we call love and focusing on one of them in particular. I do this with the intent of offering you a bit more of my world view and my chosen attitude and lifestyle. I'm also inviting you to consider what I have to say, and let me know what you think. 


So then, Should people love? 
Just to be sure, my choice to walk with an attitude of love and my telling others about it should not be a sign that I think that everyone should or is somehow supposed to do the same. To think such a thing would be to completely miss the whole point of me sharing this in the first place. I'm not into shoulds and supposed tos. I got set free from all that a long time ago (even while I was still a religious believer). Like I said, it is something that I've become very fond of and now I'm just endeavoring to offer it to, share it with and invite others into it. 

My choice to love is a personal one and that's all there is to it. Take it or leave it, like or not, my attitude towards my self, towards you and every other person is one of love. I don't say that I'm always living in a loving kind of way every moment of every day. I'm in process, maturing. One thing for sure though is that love is my choice and it is genuinely the attitude I want to have for my self and for others in life. 

Basically, I don't think that my concept of love is something that everyone necessarily "should" take on. I think that it is what I like and others might like it too. So, instead of saying "Should", I'd rather say, "Could". Upon hearing about it and deciding that it is something they like as well, others "Could" incorporate it into their world view and their lifestyle if that's what they so choose to do. So, I share it, completely free of strings attached or any expectations that others accept it as anything other than the chosen attitude and lifestyle of a humble thinker bold enough to open some of the intimate details of his life and offer them as a possibility to others. 


Compassion: A lifestyle that has been matured by and is living evidence of a genuine attitude of the kind of love referred to above. 

It's love in action; what love does. When love sees someone hurting, its desire is to move toward them with the intent to comfort and to heal. That action of moving toward the hurting one is what I mean by the word compassion. It is where the rubber meets the road. It is the points at which one actually acts on and lives out the love that they claim to have as part of their chosen attitude and world view. It is not just something that one can have as an ideal, but something which one actually does. It is where the ideal becomes actualized in their lifestyle. 

Be careful to understand though, it is not about any particular, prescribed behavior or any particular level of performance. As with the attitude of love out of which compassion grows in the first place, it's more about what is intended by the action than about the quantity or even the quality of the action it self. Though compassion is the only observable way to know whether or not someone actually does walk with an attitude of love, every person is different and every person has their own way of expressing love to others and the apparent absence of compassion (the way I/you/we imagine it to be or prefer it to be) in their lifestyle may not necessarily mean that it (Compassion) is not there. 

Sentimental Nonsense?
It's not that my world view leaves the actions of compassion all up to chance or sentimental nonsense either though. It is reason and intellectual integrity (explained a bit in another article in this series) that help with trying to make sure that so-called compassionate actions actually fit the circumstances and are an appropriate course of action given all available information about the particular individuals involved and their current situation. 

For me, compassion isn't just about doing the next most soft and mushy thing that comes to my mind. It's not about always being "the one" to jump in and "save" someone either. It definitely involves thinking critically about the situation and trying to act in a way that is healthy for self as well as for the one/s being helped by the compassionate actions. 

Having said that, in some situations, there may not be enough time to think through all of the issues that might matter, and the one walking with an attitude of love may often choose to step in and help the hurting one in the best way they see fit at the moment. I'd much rather be remembered as a dangerous radical freak for reaching out to offer comfort and healing with reckless abandon than an inconsiderate, self-absorbed, anti-social genius for sitting back and analyzing the situation for so long that it's too late for any amount of compassion to do any good (remember, that last comment came from a thinker). 

the word compassion
Here's an interesting note about the history of the word Compassion. It comes from a Latin word that means "to enter into the suffering of another". The etymology of a word doesn't always mean that that is the "correct" definition of that word here and now in our culture, but in this case, it is a fairly accurate representation of what I've desired to say on this page. If what I've said messed that all up, then just go with this old Latin definition and, for the most part, you'll know what I mean when I use this word here on this web site. 


Conclusion
So, there it is. That's some of what I think about Love and Compassion. Again, these are not meant to be definitions that I think everyone else should adopt as there own. They are simply the way I understand these words and it may help to understand the rest of what I'm saying on this site and elsewhere if you have a better understanding of what I mean by these particular words. 

At some point, I will eventually be adding pages about my intellectual journey so far and how it is that I've come to the understanding I currently have of such words as Love and Compassion. For now, I'll just say that this distinction is something I've noticed about the lives of people I've come in contact with and about how these things play out in my own life. I'm acutely aware of the fact that my intellectual maturity far outweighs that of my lifestyle.

I want to love so bad that it hurts. Even so, I know that I still have a long way to go for my lifestyle to reflect it to the same degree. The degree to which one lives in compassion does not necessarily reflect the degree to which they desire to have an attitude of love (I'm a prime example), but still, here's the primary way I understand these words at this point in my life...  Compassion is a lifestyle that flows from someone living with an attitude of Love.