Now, I'm sure this page may not seem very much like an invitation to some folks, but what's a guy on the Autistic Spectrum to do? When looking for friends I just want to be open, honest and real and see if there are any takers. 

For no other reason than for the opportunity to be fully human, totally free, open, honest and real, full of love and involved with others, I invite you into community with me. I invite you to tell me about your self and your world view. What do you think of love, compassion, human relationships, natural history and life as a homo sapien? 

belief-agenda-based communities? 
I've decided that, if I am ever to have community, I must create it. I've searched around (even here in Boulder) and there just doesn't seem to be anything that I can see that would be even close to what I prefer for community. They're either believing in one religious or philosophical or political system or another or they're believing against one religious or philosophical or political system or another. 

It's not even necessarily the systems them selves that bug me so much (though sometimes it clearly is) but the lack of critical thinking due to the commitment to believing (i.e. believing, faith, convinced of what we can't be sure of) in the first place. I already prefer not to believe, but to think critically instead. 

Here are some comments from two very good friends of mine; my partner, Karen (we've been in community with each other for over 7 years) and my friend Peter (with whom I was once in community for many years as well) from whom I've quoted much elsewhere on this site. 

K: "The one thing that I'm feeling really upset and confused about when it comes to critical thinking and believing is...I want community with people who can talk about this stuff. In a lot of ways I don't even care if we agree on how to perceive history or legend. I do care about whether people will do some critical thinking & clear thinking on choosing to love themselves and their neighbor as themselves and live in community."

P: "I too long for community where we can embrace one another as fellow human beings irregardless of where we land on certain issues"

Karen and Peter seem to be getting at what sounds to me like an Inclusive, Tolerant, Considerate Community 
in which all participants feel (and actually are) safe enough to be totally open, honest and real and in which the main thrust is toward being with each other, not toward some religious, philosophical or political belief or agenda (or even necessarily against one either, unless of course it stands in stark opposition to their purpose for being together)...

I like the idea and I appreciate their input into my life thus far and their input into my ponderings about human relationships and community. Just to make sure I'm not misunderstood when I talk about critical thinking... it is not a belief system. So, by wanting to have it as a foundational concept of community, I am not being hypocritical. 

As I said, critical thinking is not a belief system, but simply a logical, rational and reasonable approach to considering all of the various ideas and concepts that people come up with. The goal is to become more aware of the nature of one's own worldview as well as more aware of the world it self (and compare both in the process). 

new to thinking critically? 
I can hang with folks that just haven't gotten very much into critical thinking because it's such a new concept to them as it was to me in recent years. When people are into what they believe so hard core though that it leads to the exclusion of really thinking critically at all about what it is that they claim to care so much about, it's a big turn off to me. 

No, people don't have to meet some absolute standard of mine in order for me to be "ok" with them, but we have to be at least close to being on the same page when it comes to things like the difference between critical thinking and believing if we're ever really going to be able to go very deep and have the kind of interactive, supportive, encouraging, exciting and intellectually stimulating relationship that lasts. 

it takes all kinds 
I'm interested in acquaintances too, but I've got lots of those. I'm looking for people I can really spend some time with and come away with the sense that I've just spent time with someone that really thinks for them self and who really, genuinely wants to be open, honest and real about them self, life and the world in which we actually live. 

It's not about having "arrived" at some ultimate critical thinking stage of life either. It's simply about the desire to think critically and to do so together in the context of love and compassion for self and others. It's not the attitude of having "arrived" that's attractive to me (that's actually quite repulsive), but the attitude of desiring to grow and mature. 

Ya, I really like being with very mature people, but I'm not there yet and it'd be really neat to meet some people that acknowledge they're not either and who want to go there together with me without having to have in the mix some kind of belief system upon which our journey is somehow based. 

Here is another comment from my friend Peter about the kind of community he desires...
P: "If in the midst of community we're not allowed to be honest and use our full intellectual capabilities and to be rational in communication and to embrace our use of reason, then community gets robbed of a depth and ends up shallow"

Exactly!!, and I'm all done with "communities" like that. Not only do they end up shallow, as if the quality of the particular group is all that matters, but in the process, individual persons (those whom the group is supposedly there for in the first place) get either ignored or dismissed as being too confrontational, too deep, too inquisitive, too 'worldly', too stuck on 'the wisdom of man' and human ways of knowing and never really experience "community" at all, let alone being involved with a group of shallow people. I don't even want to spend any more time trying to "help them from within" like I did for so long while I was on my way out. 

all you get is the real me
Though I am not always doing so, it is my desire to live with an attitude of love and compassion for my self and others.  More than anything else, I want to be open, honest and real. Assuming that context, the thing I want most in life is to be fully engaged with others in healthy, interactive, interdependent, educationally and intellectually stimulating, mutually enjoyable and beneficial relationships/communities of love and compassion. 

I don't know any other way of going about this than to just stick my neck out there and open my heart and mind to others. Ya, I might get hurt in the process or  I might look like a total goofball to you. Not everyone appreciates a guy who's into scientific inquiry like I am or who is willing to expose his true thoughts and feelings in public. Fine, but that's the price I'm willing to pay for the opportunity to meet others who are. 

Ya I like everybody (don't miss this point. I didn't say that I like or ' approve of' or am ' ok with' everything that everybody does). In fact, I'd go so far as to say that I love everybody, but that doesn't mean that my mission in life is to "please" everybody. I also recognize that it is not feasible for me to be "friends" with every person that I ever meet (though I'd be into it if it were somehow magically or supernaturally possible). 

So, here in the real world, I want to develop friendships with people who are genuinely interested in getting to know them selves and other people and who desire to have real relationships with others in a context of love, compassion and critical thinking about our lives, our world views and the world in which we actually live. 

As Melvin the weirdo said to Carol the waitress in the movie As Good As It Gets, "Is that something that's bad for you to be around?" 

and now, I repeat my opening message on this page...
For no other reason than for the opportunity to be fully human, totally free, open, honest and real, full of love and involved with others, i invite you into community with me. I invite you to tell me about your self and your world view. What do you think of love and compassion, human relationships, natural history and life as a homo sapien? 

No, really. I'm genuinely interested in getting to know people and understanding their world view regardless of where it may or may not lead. I'd also be into checking out our mutual interests and exploring the possibilities of friendship. 
[last updated 20031209]