I desire to live in such a way that I can be totally open, honest and real with my self and others. For instance, I do not want to pretend that "everything's ok" if it is not. I don't want to just sweep things under the rug. I do not want others to pretend to me either. I lived for 30 years with "Minnesota Nice" and I'm all done with it. It's all about being "polite" and letting the other person go first at the stop sign with a big smile on the face even though they might be seething with anger about it. 

Politeness, as comfortable as it might make a room for some people, may often be used to disguise what people are really thinking and feeling because they are less comfortable with being open, honest and real than they are with pretending. I'd rather have someone be kind to me than polite. I'm not saying that politeness can never be genuine, but just that it seems to me like kindness usually is (and I think it is fair to say that we can usually tell the difference between someone who is actually kind and someone who is pretending through politeness). 

I was recently referred to as someone with an "abnormal level of honesty". I wasn't quite sure of the point of the comment since it was in an e-mail and I couldn't hear the inflection or tone in their voice or see their facial expression, so I asked the author about it. They said that it was not meant in a negative way, nor is my "abnormal level of honesty" necessarily bothersome to them and is actually refreshing at times (or something like that). I've heard similar things from other people over the years and I'm glad that my openness and honesty can be refreshing. 

However, I'm still open to the possibility that my level of honesty might be inappropriate for certain situations and might even be mistaken for being inconsiderate sometimes. Perhaps sometimes I am inconsiderate of others in fact. I do not want to be inconsiderate, but sometimes I fall back into my old ways even though my essential attitude in life is one of wanting to be compassionate to everyone. 

I do not claim to have "arrived" or any such goofiness though and I invite you to confront me about it if you think I'm ever being inconsiderate or otherwise unhealthy with you or others. I would rather have to deal with someone being upset about something I said than for them to keep it all bottled up inside or for me to just keep my mouth shut to avoid all of the potential uncomfortable situations that I might ever find my self in each time I open it. 

At least when I say something (even if it is perceived unhealthily at first), people can rest assured that I am most likely not pretending, and I can deal with it and hopefully work together on it with the one I've hurt if that is ever the case. I want to be bold enough to say what's on my mind while remaining humble enough to be respectful of others and consider them as equally valuable fellow persons. 
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